


Choking

by BoonasaurusRex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, OW, One-Sided Attraction, Prompt Fic, This hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 01:11:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoonasaurusRex/pseuds/BoonasaurusRex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't quote me on another phrase. I understand all your philosophies, but it hurts me all the same...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choking

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap this hurts. This is a prompt I got from Tumblr, where the user waffle-haus requested some painful one-sided Sam/Cas and one-sided Cas/Dean. I didn't think it'd be this painful though, I hope I got all the angst done properly, and am not too out of character. If it isn't clear, this alternates between Castiel and Sam's perspectives.

They are staring, they always stare, blue gaze interlocking with green. They are close, inches apart, it's as if they don't understand personal space. After many seconds, seconds that push a knife into my chest, seconds that make my stomach fall, Dean looks away, always the first to break the gaze. I see something in the angel's eyes, is that disappointment? Dean takes two strides away. The conversation grows casual once more, at Dean's insistence. It is until he calls my name that I notice he had been speaking, and I had been staring off, staring at the trenchcoat-wearing marvel standing just across the room from myself. Dean doesn't notice, nor does Castiel. They never notice.

_We stand there like statues from different cities._

_Both warriors of the same war,_

_Both victors of our territories..._

Why can't he see? I feel, for once in my long existence, I truly feel. With my life, I defend. With my all, I shield. Does none of this matter? Do my pleas fall upon deaf ears? How can he not see? I protect, I defend,  _I love._ None of it matters, not to Dean. My kind is nothing but a bad omen to him, even I, myself, have caused him endless misery, despite raising him from perdition, saving him from the depths of Hell. He sees the bond we share, he knows it exists, but he does not feel it. This feeling... I believe it to be heartache.

_Why do I feel so small?_

_Oh, you've got it all figured out,_

_What will be, what will be?_

Castiel. Please, see me. You acknowledge me, you know I'm here, but you cannot see me, you cannot see past the mask I've so cleverly painted. I painted a smile, I painted the expression of one who is careless to how you look at another man. I have painted it so wonderfully, but there are faults. Do you see the way the smile on the mask seems less vibrant when you gently grasp his shoulder, over the same place that you left your mark when you raised him from Hell? Do you see the way the eyes yearn? Do you see the way the mask is breaking? Of course you don't, because I am not the one you wish to see. I am not him.

_Don't quote me on another phrase,_

_I understand all your philosophies,_

_But it hurts me just the same..._

I will wait, I will wait for you to feel anything, Castiel. Just please, someday, feel something for me. I'll lay in bed, I'll pray to you, I'll wish, I'll hope, but please, someday, let me hold you and fix every problem he has created, all the pain he injected into your veins...

_Choking on these words,_

_You can leave now._

I will wait, I will wait for you to see anything, Dean. Just please, someday, feel more for me. I'll defend you, I'll watch over you, I'll pray, I'll do anything, but please, someday, allow me to truly learn of this feeling called love, and fix every insecurity you feel...

_Oh, haven't you heard?_

_You can leave now..._

 


End file.
